Trivial is Transformational, by Connie Jones

Trivial is Transformational.

As a philosophy, Gentle Teaching puts the onus on us to change how we interact in the little moments together, and to take those opportunities to remind people that they are safe with us, loved by us, and that they are good, just as they are. Full stop. That means we show love even in the face of violent behaviours, to see those outbursts for what they are: brokenness, and ultimately, to stop trying to ‘mend’ a broken brain but instead, go for the heart.

That’s what founder John McGee called us to be: Menders of broken hearts.

Tall order? Maybe. But maybe it just takes a moment.

Now that I’m a grannie, I sometimes feel the responsibility more heavily than ever to ensure that my grandkids won’t develop hearts that ever need mending. As a Gentle Teacher, I’m keenly aware that right now, my sweet littles are learning all about themselves through their interactions with the adults around them, including me. I can’t forget the significance of seemingly trivial moments together. What is the message beneath my words, when I speak to them? What tone do I intentionally take? How mindful am I of my pacing, intensity, and word choices so as to convey positivity and reduce anxiety? Do my eyes speak of love, even when the kiddos are wreaking havoc on the house, the furniture, or – god bless ‘em – the dogs? Does my presence give them a safe space to just be? And what about my hands? I mean, I just want to grab those kiddos and gobble zeeberts all over their bellies and tickle them until they squeal. But even these loving moments together could become overwhelming for them, and I need to remember to move into their spaces with a keen awareness that my presence is big in their little worlds.

Gentleness is powerful. It might have more transformative power in the small moments that form moral memory than vengeance against thine enemies ever could, because where vengeance is felt in the storm, gentleness is found in the calm.

Like when I sang to my granddaughter while combing her hair softly. Or when I don’t rush through daily chores but invite them to help choose their clothes for the day, or set the kitchen chairs up at the sink so we can play in the suds while washing dishes together. Or work out the zoomies by cranking some music and having a dance party in the living room. These seemingly mundane moments carry huge significance. So, while we do things together, I try to be very mindful of each of my tools.

I think that kiddos have just as much value in this world when they’re tiny as they’ll have when they’re grown – even in those times when my little angels’ behaviour isn’t exactly congruent with their value. I think that above and beyond anything else, all kids need to be reminded of how good and lovable they are, just as they are. During the time that we spend together, I want my grandkids’ powerful brains and beautiful hearts to get one thing straight: When they’re with me, they’re safe. And they’re loved, just as they are. Full stop.

www.gentleteaching.com
www.gentleteaching.ca
www.coracademy.ca