Unlocking The Code: The Power Of Purpose Driven Leadership by Sandy, Matthew and Troy

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The Treeo Mixtape: Building Cathedrals from Pebbles – A Journey Through Purpose, Safety, and Trust by Sandy Ram, Matthew White and Troy Kolish

There’s a certain magic that happens when purpose meets vulnerability. And at the 2024 Gentle Teaching International Conference, that magic took the stage with Sandy Ram, Matthew White and Troy Kolish—collectively known as Treeo—as they brought stories, laughter, tears and wisdom in their session, “Unlocking The Code: The Power Of Purpose Driven Leadership.”

Like any great mixtape, their message was layered, rhythmic and deeply personal. They didn’t just talk about purpose-driven leadership—they lived it, sharing their own journeys and the lessons that have shaped them, all while celebrating their long-standing collaboration with COR.

A Childhood Lesson in Trust and Relationship

Troy began with a heartfelt journey to a Saskatchewan farm, where trust was born in the chicken coop, and bedtime stories with his Oma wove the first threads of leadership and love. Through her, he learned one of the timeless lessons from The Little Prince: “You become responsible forever for what you have tamed.” In other words, leadership is not about control—it’s about relationship.

He spoke not just of a past, but of a presence. His Oma, though no longer here, continues to shape his path. And like many of us who work and live in community, he’s learned that the most transformative kind of leadership comes not from titles or tasks, but from being seen and valued—and from seeing and valuing others in return.

Jared’s Dream: Purpose Through Connection

The “mixtape” metaphor isn’t just a creative flourish. It reflects the intentional culture-building events that Treeo has co-created with COR since 2017. One of those mixtape stories centers around Jared Ritson, a passionate, music-loving soul who dreamed of being a DJ.

Troy’s connection with Jared wasn’t transactional. It wasn’t built on roles or services. It was built on music, conversation, and car rides in a fast-but-finicky Alero. It was about listening—not just to beats and rhymes, but to hopes and purpose. Jared’s path toward DJing was nurtured by COR’s studio and by relationships that saw his dream as worthy and possible.

In every mixtape track, there’s a rhythm of care and creativity. In every person like Jared, there’s purpose waiting to be heard.

Understanding the ‘Why’: Purpose as the Anchor

Matt stepped in next to explore the deeper question: why do we do what we do? Quoting Gallup, he reminded us that all human beings crave a sense of meaning at the core of their daily lives.

With a nod to Simon Sinek’s Golden Circle, Matt unpacked the three levels of organizational clarity: what we do (the tasks and roles), how we do it (the strategies and processes), and most importantly, why we do it (the belief that fuels everything). When we start with why, we move beyond routine. We begin to inspire.

As the session unfolded, the room filled with crowd-sourced purpose words through a live Menti poll: love, advocacy, belonging, joy, empowerment. These aren’t just values—they are verbs. They are actions lived daily by purpose-driven individuals like those at COR.

Safety First: Creating Environments Where People Thrive

Sandy brought us deeper into the landscape of vulnerability, opening with his own story of not being seen as a child in 1970s London. His journey from exclusion to belonging in Regina mirrored what many have felt in life and work: environments shape us—sometimes to hide, sometimes to thrive.

He challenged us to think of safety beyond helmets and hazard signs. Psychological safety—the ability to speak, fail, and be authentic without fear—is the foundation of cultures where people flourish.

He mapped out four layers of safety:

  • Inclusion Safety: where people feel accepted;
  • Learner Safety: where trying and failing is embraced;
  • Contributor Safety: where voices are valued;
  • Challenger Safety: where it is safe to speak up.

These are not optional features of a strong organization—they are essential.

Vulnerability Comes First: How Trust is Truly Built

Sandy also reminded us that vulnerability builds trust, not the other way around. Trust begins with the willingness to be vulnerable. And trust itself, as Charles Feltman describes, is choosing to make something we value vulnerable to another person’s actions.

He outlined four pillars of trust:

  • Sincerity: Do I say what I mean?
  • Reliability: Do I follow through?
  • Competence: Can I do the job?
  • Care: Do I consider the other’s interests along with my own?

Understanding these pillars offers a clear and compassionate roadmap for building stronger relationships, both in organizations and in life.

The Conductor’s Role: Leading with Empathy and Courage

Leadership, Sandy explained, is like conducting an orchestra. When leaders offer thoughtful, meaningful feedback and create space for others to lead, they allow everyone to contribute to the collective sound. If only a few voices are heard, the music suffers. But when everyone feels seen and valued, something beautiful emerges.

This is especially true in communities like COR, where people aren’t just invited to participate—they are encouraged to be who they are, fully and freely.

Sandy

Building Cathedrals: The Final Word

Troy brought the session to a close by returning to the farm. He reminded us that while life on the farm was tough, it was full of lessons about trust, love, and storytelling. The bedtime stories, especially those about The Little Prince, held timeless truths.

Asked which character in The Little Prince is his favourite, Troy answered: the Little Prince himself. The prince refused to see the world the way adults did. For him, even a simple pebble could be transformed into a cathedral through imagination and belief.

That’s the heart of Treeo’s message. Purpose, vulnerability and trust—these are your pebbles. What you do with them is up to you.

For those of us at COR, and for our allies across the globe, this message couldn’t be more timely. Purpose-driven leadership isn’t about programs or policies—it’s about people. It’s about creating environments where everyone is safe to be themselves, to speak their truth and to chase their dreams.

When we build with purpose, safety, and trust, we don’t just create better workplaces. We build cathedrals—spaces that uplift, inspire and last.

Gentle Teaching and Indigenous Knowledge, by Jessica Pratt-Longman

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“Gentle Teaching and Indigenous culture are essentially one and the same.”

– Jessica Pratt-Longman

When Jessica Pratt-Longman stands before a room, she doesn’t bring slides or a script. She brings her whole self—raw, honest, and deeply rooted in story. Her voice resonates with grief, healing, resistance, and love. Jessica is from the George Gordon First Nation, and she’s the Indigenous Culture Advisor at Creative Options Regina (COR). But more than a title, she is a sister, a knowledge keeper, a protector, and a warrior of compassion.

In a world that too often fails to protect and affirm Indigenous lives, Jessica’s journey—her life with her brother Patrick, her path through trauma, and her embrace of Gentle Teaching—is a profound example of how love, connection, and culture can rebuild what colonial systems have tried to erase.

A Life of Courage, A Life of Care

Jessica’s story is one of survival. Removed from her family’s care at a young age, subjected to violence and systemic failures, and living with both borderline personality disorder and autism, she has faced adversity most cannot imagine. And yet, she has carried love as a constant, especially for her brother Patrick, who is non-verbal and autistic.

She took on his care when their parents could not. She slept in front of doors to keep him safe. She worked tirelessly to provide for him. She became not only his sister, but his safe place.

And when Patrick’s needs were deemed “too much,” when a home breakdown left him once again vulnerable, Jessica was terrified. But then COR appeared as a possibility—a home, a team, a hope.

A Promise of Safety

Jessica remembers calling her former manager, now a Team Leader at COR, Mara Schrader, in tears:

“Are they going to hurt him? Are they going to restrain him? I’m scared.”

Mara’s response was simple, human, and full of promise:

“Jessica, I promise you, if Patrick comes to COR, he will be okay.”

And he was. Jessica speaks of the small, meaningful signs of trust: being welcomed into his home, being given the code to the door, seeing him fold towels or go to the bathroom in new ways. She saw Patrick not just survive—but begin to thrive.

COR became a part of Jessica’s healing, too. It welcomed her as she was—neurodivergent, grieving, powerful, and learning. In return, she brought her culture, teachings, and vision to COR, helping to intertwine Indigenous values into the very spirit of Gentle Teaching.

Culture is Not a Race—It is a Way of Life

Jessica emphasizes a truth often misunderstood: Indigenous culture is not the same as the trauma of residential schools. Culture is the medicine. It’s the smudge, the song, the stories, the names, the feathers, and the belonging. It’s knowing where you come from and who claims you.

Through COR, Jessica helped ensure every home had a smudge pan. She led ceremonies. She helped individuals receive their spirit names, colours, and clans. She guided teams in understanding why hair is sacred, why feathers matter, and why the land is teacher and healer.

And she did it while navigating her own grief, countless losses, too many funerals for those younger than her. Still, she carries love like a drumbeat.

“Gentle Teaching is healing,” she says. “We call it love, we call it kindness, we call it gentleness. But what it really is—it’s healing.”

Self-Love as Resistance

Jessica shares how she began to practice loving herself, using her sister KitKat as a guide.

“What would I say to her? How would I show up for her?” she asked herself.

Then she did those things for herself.

This shift-this act of self—love—ripled outward. Her household now supports with COR. They attend therapy. They speak openly about trauma. They walk in healing together.

Weaving Indigenous Knowledge Into COR

Jessica’s hope is clear: that Indigenous ways become so deeply woven into COR’s fabric that they cannot be undone.

“It just is.”

And this is already happening—from the teepee raising after three years of work, to the first feathers gifted, to the smiles of people like Ruby Walker, proud to hold her name and her medicine.

The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is intention.

“I’m not trying to rush. I’m doing what I do with meaning.”

A Final Invitation

Jessica leaves us with this:

“Please, love yourselves. I don’t think you can really give or spread something that you don’t genuinely have.”

If we love ourselves, if we love each other—especially the most vulnerable—we change the world. Maybe not all at once. But we change our world. And that ripple becomes a wave.

Intellectual/Developmental Disabilities (IDD), Aging and Health by Dr. Alicia Thatcher, MD and Mandy Boersch, RPN, CDDN

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Redesigning Healthcare with Heart: IDD, Aging and Health

CBC Feature: The HELP Model – Redesigning Healthcare with Heart  – August 28, 2025

Mandy Boersch, Creative Options Regina’s Director of Health, joined CBC Morning Edition alongside Dr. Alicia Thatcher to share their passion for improving healthcare for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities.

Together, they discussed the real-life gaps they’ve witnessed, how the HELP model is guiding their work, and why compassionate, person-centered care can make all the difference.

Listen to the full CBC interview.

On a chilly afternoon during the Gentle Teaching International Conference, something deeply human unfolded—not just a presentation, but a story of life, love, loss, and the urgent need to redesign how we care.

Dr. Alicia Thatcher, a physician passionate about inclusive health, and Mandy Boersch, RPN, CDDN, a psychiatric nurse whose life journey has been shaped by her sister Jill, brought us into a world where medicine meets meaning—and where care must be reimagined through the lens of relationship and Gentle Teaching.

Their session, “Intellectual/Developmental Disabilities (IDD), Aging and Health,” wasn’t just about diagnoses and data. It was about people. It was about what it means to grow older with a disability in a system that often overlooks you—and what we can do to change that.

From Family to Fieldwork: A Personal Journey

Mandy began by grounding the room in her own story. She grew up alongside her sister Jill, who was born with a rare chromosomal difference and lived with significant health concerns. Jill’s life was filled with hospital visits, blood transfusions, and barriers—but it was also filled with fierce love.

Mandy swore she’d never go into healthcare, but Jill’s journey quietly rewrote her future. She went from business school to psychiatric nursing, from burnout to purpose—and from a sister to a champion for health equity. Her story of following Jill into a group home job (and eventually across the province) added warmth and authenticity to the conversation.

Meeting in Mission: The Power of Connection

It was through the maze of healthcare advocacy that Mandy met Dr. Alicia Thatcher—an introduction sparked by a psychiatrist, emails, persistence, and shared values. What began as curiosity became collaboration. And what began as professional partnership became friendship.

Mandy described Alicia as the doctor her family had always been searching for—someone with deep knowledge, unshakable respect, and a drive to make inclusive health more than an idea.

Together, they’ve become a team that asks not “What’s the matter?” but “What matters?”

Aging with IDD: Gaps, Risks and the Call for Change

Dr. Thatcher laid out the stark realities. People with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD) face:

  • 30-day readmission rates and emergency visits are significantly higher than the general population
  • A 6.5x higher chance of being hospitalized unnecessarily
  • A 17.5x higher chance of living in long-term care
  • And nearly 4x higher risk of dying before age 75—often from preventable causes

As life expectancy increases, more people with IDD are aging into a system that is simply not prepared to support them.

The statistics are sobering. But Alicia brought clarity and tools to make meaningful change possible.

The HELP Model: A Framework for Understanding Change

Together, Alicia and Mandy introduced the HELP model—a simple, accessible tool to help teams assess when someone’s behaviour, health, or emotional state changes. Rather than jumping straight to medication or crisis response, HELP encourages us to ask questions about:

  • Health – Are there hidden medical issues (pain, infections, GI concerns, untreated conditions)?
  • Environment and Supports – Have routines shifted? Has a trusted person left? Is there sensory overwhelm?
  • Lived Experience – Could past trauma or life transitions be affecting today’s behaviour?
  • Psychiatric Concerns – Are mental health challenges emerging or shifting?

Each domain is approached not with judgment but with curiosity. Not “What’s wrong with them?” but “What’s going on for them?”

And always—safety first.

When Behaviour is a Clue, Not a Problem

One powerful example shared: a person experiencing outbursts and psychosis-like symptoms was later found to have a severe urinary tract infection, not a psychiatric crisis. Once treated, the behaviours resolved.

Another shared example involved dental pain, which presented as paranoia and confusion. These aren’t rare occurrences—they’re reminders that atypical presentations of common issues are, in fact, typical for many people with IDD.

Behaviour is communication. And when we listen well, healing becomes possible.

Proactive Tools: From Screenings to Stretching

Dr. Thatcher shared accessible resources like:

  • Nuts and Bolts RD toolkit for aging and syndrome-specific health guidance
  • NTG-EDSD Dementia Screener to identify early signs of dementia in people with IDD
  • Health Watch Tables and preventive care checklists for tracking concerns
  • Hypertension logs and even stretching as a powerful blood pressure intervention

Simple, consistent tracking—like bowel movements, pain, mood, or sleep—can give teams and clinicians the data needed to act early and appropriately.

The tools are available. The missing piece? Widespread training and awareness.

From Reaction to Relationship

One of the session’s most powerful takeaways was this: Crisis shouldn’t be the only catalyst for care.

So much of the current system waits for things to break down, then responds with medication or hospitalization. But relational approaches, early recognition, and team-based curiosity can reduce trauma and strengthen well-being before a crisis ever happens.

As Mandy put it, “If we’re not asking questions early, we’ll miss the chance to actually help.”

The Real Risk: Doing Nothing

For Dr. Thatcher, the work is about bridging the gap between what’s available and what’s needed—and about pushing back on ableist, ageist, or dismissive practices.

The Clinical Frailty Scale, for instance, is still widely used, but it often misrepresents people with IDD. A 50-year-old with disabilities might be denied access to geriatric services, despite having the same needs as someone twice their age.

It’s time to move from age-based cutoffs to needs-based care.

And when we talk about aging, we must do so with context, compassion, and clarity.

Carrying Jill’s Legacy Forward

The presentation closed with a quiet moment of vulnerability. Mandy shared that her sister Jill passed away due to several of the Fatal Five conditions often seen in people with IDD: aspiration, constipation, dehydration, seizures, and sepsis.

Her story is both a heartbreak and a call to action.

Because Jill deserved better, and so do the many others aging into systems still not built for them.

In Summary: Where Do We Go From Here?

  • Learn the HELP model – Use it not just to assess but to collaborate.
  • Champion routine health checks – Especially annual comprehensive reviews for adults with IDD.
  • Use simple tools – NTG screeners, symptom checklists, and monitoring charts make a big difference.
  • Track the small stuff – Sleep, stools, mood, appetite—they matter more than we think.
  • Trust the people who know the person best – Families, supports, and the person themselves.
  • And always lead with love and listening.

Dr. Thatcher and Mandy reminded us that the future of inclusive healthcare isn’t just about medical systems—it’s about relationships. It’s about seeing, hearing, and honouring every person at every stage of life.

And it’s about knowing that no one should have to fight alone to be understood, supported, or safe.

The Secret to Being Yourself, by Michele D. Cameron

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The Secret to Being Yourself, by Michele D. Cameron

On a vibrant and emotional day filled with connection and courage, Michele D. Cameron took to the stage and gave us a gift: her story. Her talk, “The Secret to Being Yourself,” was more than a keynote  – it was an invitation to reflect, heal and thrive.

Michele D Cameron-Gentle teaching International 2024 conference

Who Is Michele D. Cameron?

Michele’s presence radiates authenticity. As someone who has faced trauma, battled depression, celebrated life in vivid colour (literally, at Toronto’s Caribana!), and emerged with wisdom to share, Michele offered us the kind of truth that only comes from living deeply and reflecting honestly. Her storytelling—raw, funny, painful, and empowering—reminded everyone in the room that the human experience is both messy and magnificent.

Five “I Am”s That Will Change Your Life

At the heart of Michele’s message is the “Five I Am Club”—a philosophy built from lived experience, resilience, and deep self-reflection. Here’s a look at what each “I Am” invites us to embrace:

The Secret to Being Yourself by Michele D. Cameron

1. I Am Free of Clutter

Not just about tidying up physical space—though that helps—this is about releasing mental, emotional, and even societal clutter that holds us back. Through a powerful, personal story she reminds us: what weighs on us must be acknowledged so it can be released.

2. I Am Worthy

This declaration goes far beyond affirmations—it’s a call to action. Michele emphasized the power of speaking to ourselves with love. She challenged us to recognize that our inner dialogue can either build bridges or destroy them. From self-doubt about her body growing up, to questioning her value in relationships and work, Michele shared how her journey taught her to rewrite the narrative: “I am enough. I am worthy. I deserve to be loved—especially by myself.”

3. I Am First on My List

After suffering a severe concussion, Michele was bedridden for five months. In the silence of that recovery, she discovered what so many of us often forget—we must listen to ourselves. When the world gets loud with opinions, and expectations crowd out intuition, centring ourselves becomes both an act of resistance and self-care.

4. I Am Thankful

Gratitude became Michele’s bridge from darkness to light. Moving from Regina to Saskatoon, she found herself lonely and eventually faced a quiet truth: she was depressed. In response, she started a gratitude practice. It wasn’t fancy—sometimes just whispering thanks under her breath—but it changed her outlook. Gratitude didn’t erase the hard parts of life, but it gave her strength to meet them with perspective and grace.

5. I Am Part of a Community

While not a formal part of the Five I Ams, this truth echoed throughout Michele’s talk. From inviting her father to cheer her on, to shouting out new friends like Sawyer, to listening intently to each person’s gratitude shared on colourful sticky notes—Michele reminded us that healing and growth happen best in community. Her partnership with COR, and the response of everyone in that room, is a beautiful reflection of what belonging really looks like.

The harder the fall the bigger the bounce by Michele D. Cameron

The Power of Presence and Pause

Michele’s session wasn’t all talk. She invited us to pause, to breathe, to close our eyes and sit in silence. In a world full of noise, those moments of stillness were sacred. They allowed us to feel. To reflect. To connect.

A Wall of Gratitude, A Room of Light

The day ended with a collective act of love: each participant wrote down something they were grateful for and added it to a growing “Gratitude Wall.” It was a tapestry of hope—expressions of love, health, resilience, and connection. Michele read many of them aloud, weaving them into the warmth of the room.

Final Reflections

Michele D. Cameron reminded us of something we often forget: we are allowed to take up space. We are allowed to be tender. We are allowed to celebrate ourselves, even loudly. Her five “I Am”s are more than mantras—they’re a framework for living fully.

At COR, we believe in fostering the kind of spaces where voices like Michele’s can rise and be heard—where person-centered approaches and authentic relationships form the foundation of inclusive, caring communities. Michele embodies this philosophy with every word and every pause.

So today, ask yourself:

What’s your “I Am”?

What are you thankful for?

What story do you need to release?

Because the secret to being yourself isn’t really a secret at all—it’s just a series of small, brave choices to live truthfully, every single day.

Gentle Teaching As Our Core: Our Basics Rediscovered by Simone Schipper and Floris van de Kamer

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Gentle Teaching As Our Core: Rediscovering the Basics Together

At the 2024 Gentle Teaching International Conference, Simone Schipper and Floris van de Kamer invited participants to return, not to something new, but to something essential: the heart of Gentle Teaching. Their session, “Gentle Teaching As Our Core: Our Basics Rediscovered,” was not just a presentation. It was a guided experience in reflection, connection, and re-grounding.

Together, they offered a reminder that sometimes, in the midst of progress, innovation, and busyness, we need to pause and revisit our roots. Not as an act of going backward—but as a way of going deeper.

Gentle Teaching As Our Core: Our Basics Rediscovered

Visualizing the Core: Gentle Teaching in a Single Image

At the centre of the session was a newly unveiled visual artwork, designed by tattoo artist and Gentle Teaching mentor, Beatsmith. The piece, vibrant and symbolic, brought together the philosophy’s core elements in one cohesive image. Participants had already glimpsed it through stickers handed out at the door, each representing an element of Gentle Teaching’s pillars or tools.

The image wasn’t just decoration. It was a conversation starter, a mirror, a teaching aid, and a reminder that visual storytelling can carry the weight of deep meaning.

Simone and Floris shared the motivation behind the artwork: they wanted something you could hang on your wall, something you’d want to hang on your wall—something that could speak to both the heart and mind. As Simone said, it’s an image she hopes will one day accompany her book, becoming a lasting part of how we teach and remember the basics of Gentle Teaching.

Gentle Teaching As Our Core: Rediscovering the Basics Together

Back to the Pillars: Safe, Loved, Loving, Engaged

With a room full of people, the session asked: What do these words truly mean to you?

They returned to the four core pillars:

  • Safe: As Floris reminded us, “When there is no safety, there is no learning.” Safety is foundational. It’s not just physical—it’s emotional, relational, and cultural.

  • Loved: Feeling seen without needing to explain yourself. It’s in the quiet understanding, the knowing look, the small acts that affirm your worth.

  • Loving: As one participant said, it’s not only about receiving love—it’s also about having the freedom and safety to give love. To show warmth and care to others.

  • Engaged: Engagement is where relationships live and grow. It’s about showing up for others and inviting them in, in ways that are meaningful to them—not just what we assume connection should look like.

Together, these pillars create the condition for something Gentle Teaching calls companionship—a sturdy ship, as Simone and Floris joked. It’s a vessel strong enough to carry us through both calm and stormy waters, powered by collective care.

The Tools of Gentle Teaching: Rediscovered Through Dialogue

Beyond the pillars, the Gentle Teaching philosophy includes four relational tools: Eyes, Voice, Hands, and Presence.

Simone and Floris invited attendees to engage in small group discussions around these tools. Each person gravitated toward a symbol that resonated most with them, joining others at poster stations for guided reflection.

The conversations that followed were rich, vulnerable, and deeply human.

 

Here are just a few of the insights shared:

  • Eyes: A participant with ADHD shared how their wandering gaze can be misinterpreted as disinterest. Another said that eye contact, for them, is the deepest form of connection. And yet another reminded us that furrowed brows or rolling eyes can shut down trust just as quickly as words can build it.

  • Voice: Voice is more than sound—it’s expression, connection, reassurance. Even for those who don’t use verbal speech, the tone and intention of a caregiver’s voice carries love and safety.

  • Hands: Conversations around hands centered on consent and intent. Touch can be healing, but it must be respectful and mutual. It’s not about what we want to give—it’s about what others are ready to receive.

  • Presence: Some spoke about showing up with calm and attunement. Others noted how presence must shift based on the person and the moment—it’s not one-size-fits-all. Sometimes we lift up. Sometimes we simply sit beside.

Defining Engagement: More Than Activities

A group discussing “Engaged” reflected on how often systems push for activity over authenticity. One participant shared how they shifted their support from “getting people out into the community” to simply setting the dinner table together. The table became a space for quiet connection—no fanfare, just presence and care.

Engagement, they reminded us, doesn’t always mean doing more. Sometimes, it means doing less—with more intention.

Rediscovering What Matters Most

In true Gentle Teaching fashion, the session didn’t end with a takeaway—it ended with a shared experience. Participants were invited to reflect on their own stories and sense of connection to the philosophy’s elements. Many shared memories of breakthroughs, moments of joy, or times when a simple gesture changed everything.

Simone and Floris reminded us that while the storms of life—both personal and professional—are inevitable, the strength of companionship helps us weather them. And that no matter where we are in our journey with Gentle Teaching, it’s always okay to revisit the basics.

Because the basics aren’t just where we started—they’re what carry us forward.

A Lasting Image

As the session wrapped up, attendees were invited to take home the sticker set and poster that anchored their discussions. Not just as a keepsake, but as a tool—for teaching, for remembering, and for reconnecting with what Gentle Teaching truly is at its core.

Whether you’re new to the philosophy or have lived it for decades, Simone and Floris offered this gentle reminder: the heart of the work is simple, but not easy. And when we come back to its foundation—safe, loved, loving, engaged—we find not only our purpose, but our people.

The Psychology of Interdependence Through an Autistic Lens, by Alex Kimmel

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At the 2024 Gentle Teaching International Conference, an unforgettable session unfolded—one grounded in authenticity, humility, and bold truth-telling. Led by advocate and educator Alex Kimmel and facilitator Deirdre (Dee) Mercer, their session brought to life the power of interdependence, belonging, and neurodiversity, all rooted deeply in the Culture of Gentleness.

It was more than a presentation—it was an invitation. One that asked us not just to listen, but to reflect, feel, and grow.

A Friendship Forged in Gentleness

Deirdre opened the session with warmth and honesty. Sharing how she met Alex in 2014 through training with the Center for Positive Living Support in Michigan, she reflected on how Gentle Teaching—its pillars, tools, and central purpose—gave words to what Alex already lived and felt.

Her role, she said, was simple but profound: to tell the room just how important Alex’s message is. To affirm what many still need to hear—autistic voices belong at the center of conversations about support, inclusion, and community. Not because of what they overcome, but because of what they know, offer, and teach.

What Is the Psychology of Interdependence?

Alex’s presentation, titled “The Psychology of Interdependence Through an Autistic Lens,” walked us through the foundation of Gentle Teaching as lived experience. Drawing on the work of John McGee, he described how interdependence is not just theory—it is a deeply human need.

Alex reminded us that real support doesn’t begin with expectations placed on the person—it begins with a change in how we show up. It begins with building safe, loving relationships, where every person feels seen and valued.

He emphasized a hierarchy to the four Gentle Teaching pillars:

  • Safety comes first
  • Then love
  • Only then can a person be loving and engaged

Without safety, we cannot expect meaningful connection or participation.

Structure, Safety, and Self-Advocacy

Alex generously invited us into his world—his real, everyday world. He explained how structure and planning are not rigid routines, but anchors of peace. His planner, visual supports, and personal routines are not restrictive. They are liberating.

By advocating for structured communication (like written questions before meetings) and honoring his sensory needs, Alex takes the lead in defining what support actually means for him. This is not “accommodation” in the technical sense—it’s interdependence in practice.

He shared how even a casual icebreaker, if unstructured or fast-paced, can exclude rather than include. But with planning—like conversation starter name tags or shared outlines—those barriers can be transformed into bridges.

Alex Kimmel

Belonging vs. Attendance

In one of the most resonant moments, Alex offered this distinction: “Attendance is different from belonging.”

He illustrated this through his vibrant life: playing on teams, singing in choir, volunteering, training, and spending intentional time with friends. What mattered most was not just showing up—but being known, missed, included, and valued. That is belonging.

This was echoed in research Alex referenced from Dr. Erik Carter, who identified ten dimensions of belonging: present, invited, welcomed, known, accepted, supported, cared for, befriended, needed, and loved. These are not privileges—they are basic human needs.

Respecting Autistic Voices

Alex’s message wasn’t just about himself—it was about how the world must change. He quoted advocates like Judy Endow, Pete Wharmby, and Becca Laurie Hector, who speak passionately about shifting from awareness to acceptance.

Autism, he explained, is a diagnosis. But being autistic is an identity—an experience of the world that is complete, valid, and worthy of respect. He challenged assumptions and invited all of us to examine how neurotypical norms often ignore the stress, pain, and misunderstanding faced by autistic people.

He made it clear: to truly be inclusive, we must move beyond tolerance or integration. We must seek genuine belonging, rooted in mutual respect, individualized support, and shared humanity.

Culture of Gentleness: A Two-Way Street

Throughout his presentation, Alex returned to the concept of mutual learning and interdependence. He explained that Gentle Teaching is not about saving or fixing—it’s about co-creating safety and meaning. It’s about learning from and with each other, not leading from above.

Dee closed the session by inviting everyone to reflect on three simple prompts:

  • I learned…

  • I wonder…

  • I feel…

Her own response was heartfelt:

“I learned there’s a difference between attendance and belonging.

I wonder how many countries Alex will travel to after today.

I feel so grateful—grateful for my mentors, my community, and for being part of something that truly matters.”

An Ongoing Invitation

Alex’s session wasn’t a conclusion—it was a beginning. He urged us to take what we learned into our communities. To follow and amplify autistic voices. To reshape our understanding of inclusion and support. To value structure, respect sensory differences, and engage in reciprocal relationships.

As Alex said, the Culture of Gentleness means letting people feel respected on their terms. It means building spaces where everyone belongs—not just in theory, but in practice.

The call was clear: If we want interdependent communities, we must be willing to unlearn, to listen, and to lead with love.

Heather & Brad Share Their Journey with Sexuality, Disability and the Power of Education

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Speakers: Heather Hynd and Brad Schneider

Heather & Brad Share Their Journey with Sexuality, Disability and the Power of Education

At a self-advocacy panel titled “The Lived Experiences of Sexuality & Disability,” Heather Hynd and Brad Schneider took the stage with courage, humor, and honesty. Representing COR and their broader community in Saskatchewan, these two individuals opened up about their journeys through the Tell It Like It Is program—a comprehensive and inclusive sexual health curriculum designed for people of all abilities.

Right from the start, Heather and Brad lit up the room with their personalities. Heather introduced herself as someone who loves going to the movies—Super Mario Bros. being a recent favorite—and spending time with friends. Brad, who’s a passionate gamer (shout out to Knack), shared his love for movies and video games.

But beyond the fun facts and laughter, their message was deeply impactful.

Why Talk About Sexual Health?

Both Heather and Brad emphasized the importance of sexual health education—not just for people with disabilities but for everyone. As Brad put it, “I want to be a teacher and make everyone laugh and learn.” Heather added that it’s vital for people, including caregivers and those with disabilities, to have safe, inclusive spaces to explore these topics—especially when they don’t know how to express their feelings or ask the questions they’re holding onto.

“I was scared at first,” Heather said, reflecting on earlier experiences with sexual health classes in school. “The environment didn’t feel safe. I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings.” But everything changed when she encountered Tell It Like It Is.

Learning Through Tell It Like It Is

Both Heather and Brad have taken the Tell It Like It Is program multiple times—Heather estimates six! Each time, they learned something new and gained deeper confidence. Brad shared that smaller class sizes made a big difference for him: “When the classes were smaller, I learned more.”

So, what do they actually learn in the program?

  • Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships: Heather emphasized that understanding what you need in a relationship—and how to ask for it—is empowering.
  • Body Autonomy & Consent: “Consent is very important because it gives people permission before you touch their bodies,” Heather explained. “It protects both people.”
  • Hygiene & Self-Care: Brad humorously but honestly highlighted the importance of hygiene in relationships: “You want to smell good for your boyfriend or girlfriend. Not stink them to Mexico!”
  • Safe Sex & Protection: Heather expressed a strong interest in learning more about how to protect oneself and practice safe sex. “That’s something I want to talk more about in the future.”

And yes, they both recommend Tell It Like It Is to others—enthusiastically.

GTI-Heather Hynd and Brad Schneider

Advice for Caregivers & Educators

Brad and Heather offered heartfelt advice for caregivers, support people, and anyone thinking about facilitating the program. Their message? Show up, learn together, and create space for real conversations.

“It gives you lots of information to really protect yourself,” Brad shared. Heather encouraged future teachers to sit in on a class to get a feel for how to create a welcoming, judgment-free zone.

They also touched on the realities of online spaces and how important it is to access content that is safe, respectful, and consensual—especially when navigating adult material online.

What’s Next?

As they looked to the future of the Tell It Like It Is program, both Heather and Brad had ideas. They want even more focus on safe sex, real-world dating scenarios, and maybe even discussions about how sex is portrayed in movies—breaking down what’s realistic and what’s not.

One thing is clear: They’re not finished learning, sharing, or showing up. “Oh, heck yeah,” Heather answered when asked if she’d keep taking the course. Brad joked he might take a little break—maybe—but he’ll be back.

A Final Thought

Heather and Brad reminded everyone in the room that sexual health education isn’t just about preventing harm—it’s about building confidence, fostering communication, and empowering people to build the relationships they want and deserve.

And perhaps most importantly, they showed us that these conversations—when led with honesty, humor and heart—can change lives.

The Climb to Know More About Dual Diagnosis: Insights from Marge Brown

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The Climb to Know More About Dual Diagnosis

Speaker: Marge Brown

When Marge Brown opened her presentation with a story about climbing fences and exploring an abandoned institution in Puerto Rico alongside Gentle Teaching founder John McGee, the room instantly knew—this wasn’t going to be your typical clinical talk. And it wasn’t. What followed was a deeply personal and profoundly educational journey into the world of dual diagnosis, where intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD) meet mental health needs.

From Institutions to Inclusion—and the Gaps That Remain

Marge spent decades supporting people with complex needs—especially those moving out of institutions and into community life. Her career has taken her across the United States, always with one purpose: to serve the individuals “no one else would take.” She saw firsthand the trauma that institutional living created, and how communities struggled (and still struggle) to respond meaningfully to those with both IDD and mental health challenges.

Today, Marge works with Merakey, a large organization in the U.S. that offers services across 12 states. She’s also a certified Dual Diagnosis Specialist through the National Association for the Dually Diagnosed (NADD), a growing movement in the U.S. that aims to close the care gap for people living with both IDD and psychiatric conditions.

Why Dual Diagnosis Matters

“Looking back, I now realize that nearly everyone I supported coming out of institutions had a dual diagnosis,” Marge shared. “We just didn’t have the language or systems to name it.”

Historically, mental health and developmental services were siloed. A person either “belonged” in one system or the other—but never both. This resulted in fragmented care, misdiagnoses and a whole lot of unmet needs.

Now, we know better. According to NADD, over 1 million people in the U.S. live with dual diagnoses. These individuals often face complex medical, emotional and behavioral challenges. Yet caregivers and families are still too often left without the knowledge or resources to understand what’s really going on.

Breaking the Myths: It’s Not “Just the Disability”

One of the most common mistakes Marge highlighted is this: assuming that behaviors are “just part of the disability.” In reality, many of these behaviors are rooted in unaddressed mental health needs, trauma, or neurological differences.

And the signs can be subtle. For instance, individuals with certain genetic syndromes may:

  • Learn best in step-by-step formats (e.g. Down syndrome)
  • Be highly sensitive to noise or touch (e.g. Fragile X)
  • Struggle with pain recognition (e.g. Smith-Magenis Syndrome)

Understanding those patterns—known as genetic phenotypes—can be essential to providing the right care. As Marge emphasized, “You can’t support what you don’t understand.”

Behavior Management vs. Healing Relationships

Marge was candid about the outdated and harmful practices she’s seen over her career—including behavior plans that used rewards, punishments, or even physical takedowns. She pushed back hard against those models, choosing instead to build trust through Gentle Teaching, a philosophy rooted in creating safe, loving, and engaged relationships.

“People aren’t German Shepherds. You don’t train them with cookies and commands,” she said to laughter from the room—but her message was serious.

Through Gentle Teaching, the focus isn’t on controlling behavior—it’s on understanding the person: their trauma, their communication style, their sensory world and what makes them feel safe.

The Power of a Clinical Team with a Human Heart

At Merakey, Marge is part of a multidisciplinary clinical consultation team that includes psychiatrists, psychologists, behavior specialists, and trainers. Each month, they review complex individual cases from across the agency. The team looks at:

  • Medical history and medications
  • Psychiatric diagnoses
  • Sleep, sensory needs, sexuality, trauma
  • Risk assessments and quality of life

They don’t just review files—they listen to each other, collaborate, and share strategies. And next month, they check in again. “It’s like Grand Rounds, but for real people with real lives,” Marge said.

Training That Reflects the Whole Person

Marge also shared the growing emphasis on certification and training for professionals working with people who are dually diagnosed. The National Association for the Dually Diagnosed (NADD) now offers three certification paths:

  1. Clinical Certification – for psychiatrists, psychologists, and licensed professionals
  2. Specialist Certification – for professionals like Marge working in support and education
  3. Direct Support Certification – for frontline caregivers, with a focus on observation, communication, crisis prevention, and teamwork

And here’s the beautiful part: when Marge completed her specialist certification interview and spoke about Gentle Teaching, the evaluator stopped her mid-conversation and said, “You’ve already got it.”

Safe. Loved. Loving. Engaged. Always.

Despite all the new research and systems, Marge reminded us of one central truth:

“John McGee knew all the mental health diagnoses. But he kept Gentle Teaching simple—because it works for everyone. No matter your background or training level, Safe, Loved, Loving, and Engaged is something we can all understand.”

It’s not about labels. It’s not about silos. It’s about recognizing each person’s humanity and supporting them with care, curiosity, and connection.

Want to Learn More?

  • Merakey Clinical Consultation Services are available to other agencies across the U.S.
  • The National Association for the Dually Diagnosed (NADD) offers certification, training, and resources.
  • Marge Brown is always happy to connect!

Whether you’re a caregiver, family member, professional, or simply someone who cares, Marge’s message is clear: never stop learning. The climb to understanding dual diagnosis is steep—but it’s worth every step.

Meeting People Where They Are: The Intersection of Harm Reduction and Gentle Teaching

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Meeting People Where They Are: The Intersection of Harm Reduction and Gentle Teaching

Speakers: Dave Lappin and Nathan Murdoch

In a moving and eye-opening session, Dave Lappin and Nathan Murdoch led a conversation that peeled back the layers on how we support people living at the intersection of intellectual disability, substance use and mental health challenges. Their session, “Harm Reduction and Gentle Teaching,” wove together storytelling, philosophy and lived experiences, reminding us what it truly means to care for others with dignity, respect and compassion.

This wasn’t just a theoretical discussion. It was a heartfelt invitation to see people not through the lens of their behavior or diagnoses, but through the lens of their humanity.

The Shifting Landscape of Support

Dave shared how their agency’s focus has evolved over the years—from primarily supporting individuals with intellectual disabilities in traditional residential models, to now welcoming people who often carry complex experiences with trauma, substance use and mental health.

Fifteen years ago, supporting someone who smoked cannabis or wanted a romantic relationship was seen as a challenge. Today, that’s the norm. As Dave said: “We’ve had to drastically change how we support folks, and more importantly, how we see them.”

The people they serve are no longer neatly categorized. They’re layered, like all of us. This has required a shift from systems of control to systems of care.

What Is Harm Reduction?

At its core, harm reduction is not about forcing change. It’s about meeting people where they are—emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

It doesn’t demand abstinence. It doesn’t shame or isolate. It accepts that people use substances for a variety of reasons—often rooted in trauma, pain, or disconnection—and it seeks to reduce the harm they experience, not the person.

Nathan brought this to life through stories and staggering statistics: In Canada, over 6,000 opioid-related deaths occurred in 2023 alone. That’s more than 16 lives lost per day—a reality we cannot ignore.

The power of harm reduction isn’t just in giving someone a clean needle or a safe space to use. It’s in offering relationship, respect, and reconnection. As one powerful video clip shared during the session put it:

“Harm reduction is the opposite of tough love. It’s love, period.”

Gentle Teaching: A Philosophy That Embraces

If harm reduction offers the how, Gentle Teaching offers the heart.

Gentle Teaching isn’t about correcting or fixing people. It’s about creating environments where people feel safe, loved, and truly seen. It’s about recognizing that everyone has the right to make choices—even risky ones—and that our role isn’t to judge, but to accompany.

“You wouldn’t let your child stay inside forever because they were afraid of the sun. You’d hand them sunscreen and walk with them outside,” Dave shared, quoting Dr. Adi Jaffe.
That, he said, is harm reduction.

Gentle Teaching and harm reduction share the same language:

  • Respect
  • Compassion
  • Dignity of risk
  • Relationship before rules

Why Language Matters

Words shape how we view people—and how they view themselves. Dave reminded us that describing someone as a “meth head” or “addict” reduces them to a label. Instead, we can speak medically and respectfully: “a person who uses meth,” or “a person navigating substance use.”

This is more than semantics. It’s about affirming a person’s worth. It’s about seeing their whole identity—not just their pain.

Creating Safe Spaces in Unsafe Systems

Nathan spoke passionately about the need to offer safe, trauma-informed spaces—especially when the system so often fails to do so.

Imagine walking into a hospital high, desperate for help, only to be turned away or judged. Imagine trying to make an appointment but being lost in a week-long spiral. For many people, that’s the reality.

At their agency, that reality is met with open doors, extra clothes in the office, and naloxone kits at the ready. It’s not enabling—it’s empowering. It’s saying: You matter, even when you’re struggling. Especially then.

Understanding the Roots of Addiction

One of the most powerful stories shared was the “Rat Park” experiment by Dr. Bruce Alexander. In it, isolated rats with nothing to do consumed drugs at high rates. But when placed in a stimulating, connected environment—Rat Park—they used far less.

“It’s not the drugs. It’s the cage,” Nathan explained.
Humans, like rats, are wired for connection. Remove that, and pain fills the void. Addiction isn’t just about substances—it’s about suffering.

What Now? What Next?

Harm reduction isn’t perfect. Neither is Gentle Teaching. But when practiced together, they offer something radical in its simplicity: love over judgment, safety over shame, and connection over control.

It’s time we recognize:

  • That people who use drugs are people first.
  • That not everyone will choose sobriety, and that’s okay.
  • That one clean moment, one safe interaction, one compassionate conversation can change a life.

As Dave said, “Everyone who experiences addiction has experienced trauma.” That’s a truth we cannot unsee.

Let’s Keep Talking

This session was more than a presentation—it was a call to action.

To speak differently.
To support differently.
To see differently.

Harm reduction and Gentle Teaching remind us that when we choose love, safety, and relationship, we don’t just reduce harm—we create hope.

Tell It Like It Is: Facilitating Sexual Health and Wellness Education for Diverse Learners By Kristyn White

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Sexual health and wellness are vital aspects of everyone’s life, yet for people with disabilities, these topics are often shrouded in stigma and misunderstanding. At Creative Options Regina, we’ve embraced the challenge of creating a safe, supportive, and inclusive space where individuals can learn about relationships, consent, and their rights. Through the Tell It Like It Is program, we’ve seen the transformative power of education in helping people make informed decisions about their sexuality and relationships.

A Personal Journey to Comfort and Confidence

Growing up, I never imagined I’d be teaching a sexual health curriculum. Discussions about sexuality in my own life were rare and uncomfortable, so when I began my career in caregiving, I wasn’t prepared for the role sexuality would play in supporting others.

Early in my career, I struggled to navigate these conversations, often feeling unsure of how to approach them. It wasn’t until I became part of Creative Options Regina’s Culture of Gentleness—and began facilitating Tell It Like It Is—that I found my footing. I realized that discomfort is normal and that the key is creating a safe space for both educators and learners to grow together.

What Is Tell It Like It Is?

Tell It Like It Is is a comprehensive sexual health and wellness curriculum designed to address the unique needs of people with disabilities. Developed through a partnership between Creative Options Regina, Inclusion Saskatchewan, and Saskatoon Sexual Health, the program emphasizes inclusivity, accessibility, and empowerment.

The curriculum covers topics such as:

  • Consent
  • Healthy relationships
  • Online safety
  • Safe sex practices
  • Boundaries
  • Reproductive health

A key element of the program is its multimodal approach, which caters to diverse learning styles. Whether through role-playing, videos, hands-on demonstrations, or open discussions, the program ensures that everyone can engage in a way that works best for them.

Breaking Down Stigma and Myths

One of the most significant barriers people with disabilities face when it comes to sexual health is the stigma and misinformation that surrounds them. Some common myths include:

  • People with disabilities are asexual or uninterested in relationships.
  • They cannot or should not consent.
  • Teaching sexual health leads to promiscuity or risky behavior.

These misconceptions can lead to overprotection, lack of access to education, and, in turn, greater vulnerability to exploitation or harm. Research shows, however, that providing accurate information delays sexual debut and reduces risky behavior.

By addressing these myths head-on, Tell It Like It Is helps individuals make informed choices, advocate for their needs, and embrace their sexuality with confidence.

Barriers to Sexual Health Education

People with disabilities often face unique barriers in accessing sexual health education, including:

  • Limited accessibility: Many resources are text-heavy or lack visuals, making them inaccessible.
  • Lack of professional training: Caregivers and educators often feel ill-equipped to discuss these topics.
  • Negative societal perceptions: Stigma and ableism discourage open conversations.
  • Inconsistent support: Many individuals lack the family or peer support needed to explore their sexuality safely.

By offering free, accessible resources and empowering caregivers to engage in these conversations, Tell It Like It Is aims to overcome these barriers.

Empowering Educators and Learners

One of the program’s guiding principles is that you don’t need to be an expert to facilitate meaningful conversations about sexual health. Instead, having an open mind and a willingness to learn alongside participants is key.

Some of the program’s best moments come when participants teach us something new or when we explore answers together. By focusing on shared learning and mutual respect, we create an environment where everyone feels valued and heard.

The Impact of Tell It Like It Is

Through the program, we’ve seen individuals gain critical knowledge that has improved their lives:

  • Confidence: Participants feel more comfortable discussing topics they once found intimidating.
  • Safety: Practical lessons on consent and online safety have helped prevent harmful situations.
  • Empowerment: People have embraced their rights to explore relationships and intimacy on their own terms.

One participant shared how learning about sexual health helped her heal from past abuse and feel safer in her relationships. Another celebrated their newfound confidence in online dating. These stories remind us why this work is so important.

Creating a Culture of Respect

At the heart of Tell It Like It Is is the belief that everyone deserves to feel safe, valued, and empowered to make their own choices. While it’s natural for caregivers to feel protective, it’s equally important to support individuals in living the lives they want—even if those choices differ from our own values.

By fostering open dialogue, respecting boundaries, and providing evidence-based education, we can break down barriers and build a more inclusive, supportive community.

Get Involved

If you’re interested in facilitating Tell It Like It Is or want to access its free resources, visit our website or reach out to me via email. Together, we can ensure that everyone has the tools and knowledge they need to thrive.

Closing Thoughts

Talking about sexuality can be challenging, but it’s also essential. With the right support and education, we can empower people with disabilities to navigate their relationships with confidence and dignity.

As one participant so aptly put it: “Sexual health is a part of life—so let’s talk about it!”