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It’s all about your pace.

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Have you ever stopped to think about the way that you walk?

I know that it is a strange question and if you chose to stop reading here I would likely understand. But  I promise you, I’m on to something. Now I am not talking about the physicality of your walk: do hips sway with a hoola-hoop like action, or is one leg shorter than the other causing a noticeable limp. More so, when you walk with a friend or companion, do you walk as if it is the end of the world and speed to wherever your destination may be or do you walk intentionally taking in your surroundings and the conversation that you may be having.

For the past three years I have been married to the love of my life. It has been an incredible adventure and we have enjoyed every minute of it: including the bountiful walks that we have taken. However one of the things that I noticed early on into our marriage is that my wife walks as if she is an Olympian speed walker–it eventually got to the point where I had to tenderly grab her hand and ask her to slow down. To ally my naysayers out there, it wasn’t because I couldn’t keep up to her, rather I didn’t like the feeling of being rushed in moments where I felt like I could relax.

I have been thinking about this idea of “pace” for a long time and it finally struck me: the way we pace ourselves not only determines when we finish the proverbial race, but also how we finish it.  As supports, friends, family and others associated with COR and the Gentle Teaching movement has this idea fully penetrated our hearts and minds, thus being embodied in our words and actions?  I ask this because I was convicted about it in my own heart, when I began noticing the young man that I support was always a few steps behind me. At first I didn’t think much of it, but as time passed I was frustrated: not at him, but myself. I had become the ‘Olympian’, though accomplishing much, missing the view.

So do me a favor, after reading this blog: stop whatever you are doing and ask yourself a few questions:

  1. What is the pace you are moving at?
  2. Are you noticing the ‘view’ and slowing down to assist others?
  3. Take a few moments to review the four tools of Gentle Teaching  and honestly ask yourself how you are doing in each of the following areas.

a)Loving Eyes/Gaze

b) Hands

c) Loving Words

d) Loving Presence

 

Ben, COR Support

We cannot know who the “other” is unless we have some insight into who we are.

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Spreading John’s wisdom… We cannot know who the “other” is unless we have some insight into who we are.

Gentle Teaching is grounded in the whole person and who the person is. A key assumption, especially when supporting those who are extremely violent toward others or harmful to themselves, is the understanding that behaviors have their origin in moral development—how human beings throughout their lives are in the process of learning how to interact with others and how each of us sees ourself and others. This moral development is inside of us and encompasses the memories that have been formed from the first moments of life to the present moment.

Moral memories are how we spiritually interact with the world. When these memories are sad and disorienting, they reside like haunting ghosts in the hidden corners of our being and, in a sense, whisper to us what clinicians will later call behaviors. Behaviors are the visible part of toxic weeds; memories are the roots. They are deep, often not known, and not intellectual, but moral memories. The use of behavioral techniques is like pulling out the surface of weeds but leaving the roots intact. Gentle Teaching goes for the creation of new moral memories that eventually lead the person to feel safe and loved and then “behaviors” begin to fade away.

John J. McGee

Above All No Harm

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In Gentle Teaching caregivers become aware of how their interactions decrease the probability of violence by focusing on:

• The need to teach a culture of trust, companionship, and community through the creation of new memories based on feelings of being safe and loved.

• Initially lowering expectations and increasing hope. Although caregivers often have seemingly reasonable expectations, the brokenhearted are not ready to do what is expected because they do not feel safe and loved within the caring community. There is little reason to trust a caregiver without these new feelings. Without a strong foundation based on trust, high expectations shatter. The first dimension of caregiving is to establish trust and this arises out of feelings of being safe and loved. If caregivers are too pushy, this could easily spark violence.

• Within this construct, the caring community has to slow down and understand that “The slower we go, the faster we will get there.”

• The avoidance of any compliance attitudes that push brokenhearted individuals into a corner and provoke violence.

• The use of our very presence, words, gazes, and touch in a manner that uplifts each person along with a tender and genuine tone turning each syllable, touch, or gaze into the moral equivalent of an embrace.

• The avoidance of attitudes such as so-and-so knows better, just wants attention, or is manipulative. These can be true but are irrelevant in Gentle Teaching; the focus has to be on feelings and teaching each person to acquire a sense of feeling safe and loved. The healing must be found in the heart, not the head.

• The avoidance or prevention of caregiver violence in common practices such as the use of isolation, time out, token economies, verbal reprimands, grabbing and shoving, physical management, mechanical restraint, cattle prods, chemical restraint, the ease of psychiatric hospitalization as a holding tank, and even phone calls to the police to “manage” someone through the use of stun guns and other methods of control.

• Practice, practice, practice. The best way to prevent harm is through a sharp focus on the tools that have been bestowed upon us. First, our intention has to be to bring and share the gifts of creating a sense of security and a feeling of being loved. Then, within these parameters, caregivers have to become intuitively practiced and skilled at teaching these good memories. This approach is in and of itself the most encompassing way to prevent violence.

John J. McGee, 2012

Gentle Teaching Practicum: August 28, 2014

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Gentle Teaching Practicum Poster 2014

 

Looking at Ourselves

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As caregivers we need to talk among ourselves and develop a feeling of companionship and community so we can teach it to others. A first step is to look at our fears and get a feel for our interactions, and how others see them. We need to lift up our interactions that bring peace and serenity to others. We all have little ways of showing love. If we can highlight these, then we have taken a first step in the discovery of what care giving is about. We bring much to the care-giving act. Our presence needs to express our warmest caring. We need to be aware of the beautiful deeds that we do and deepen them. As caregivers, we need to find ways to share each other’s acts and remind one another what care giving is all about– giving a part of ourselves to others.

CHECKING OUT OUR OWN WAY

Self-assessment is a difficult task. We have to look at ourselves and discover our own weaknesses and take pride in our strengths. Finding our strengths is the easy part. The difficult part is to recognize our care giving needs. It is a human tendency to deny our weaknesses. So, we have to create a process in which we feel safe enough to examine ourselves and pinpoint areas to improve. What makes this even more difficult is that we have to see ourselves as those whom we serve see us.

We need to look at ourselves from the perspective of those who are obviously extremely vulnerable as well as from the perspective of those  “who know better.” It is sometimes easier to serve those who are more dependent or more obviously marginalized such as abused babies, orphans, abandoned children, and persons with severe disabilities.

Try to put yourself in the person’s shoes and sense what they are feeling: fear, disengagement, being unloved, and unable to convey a sense of love to others. Then look at yourself again and analyze your interactions. We need to realize that every move we make is an act of teaching. Our most subtle interactions are seen and interpreted by those whom we serve. Every interaction we express is a critical element in teaching companionship.

OUR VIEW OF OURSELVES

Purpose: Look at your own care giving interactions from the perspective of how the persons we serve see us. We assume that you feel that everyone feels safe with you and even loved by you. The challenge is to look at ourselves from the point of view of how the people we serve see us— people who are terrified and see little or no meaning in life or in us.

John J. McGee

Growing to Feel Safe and Loved

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The culture of gentleness that I have been able to create started in 2013 with lessons taught from COR’s mentors, Deirdre and Tim. From the little things like looking past the negatives and to discuss the positives everyday, coupled with a common saying, “lets turn the day around!” are – to me – exemplary of what Gentle Teaching is.

The individual I serve has become very comfortable with me and he is now more willing to engage in new activities together with me. I achieved this comfortability by methods as simple as telling him “I love him”, “I am proud of him” and by holding his hand. Situations can be difficult, but through the COR teachings of gentleness and kindness, and respect, the individual I serve has grown to feel safe and loved by myself – which means that he is loving and willing to be engaged in return.

Greg, COR Support

Being Awesome On An iPad – COR Ventures To RDACL!

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Sharing Your Awesome Online from Creative Options Regina (COR) on Vimeo.

This Summer COR has the pleasure of collaborating with the fine, friendly folks at the Regina and District Association for Community Living (RDACL). RDACL has been hosting workshops on how to use an iPad for several months now for folks with intellectual disabilities in the Regina area. So far the feedback has been very positive! They’re helping to enhance one’s quality of life by giving people the tools and knowledge of how to use state of the art technology.

“When you first turn it on or play music for the first time, you get to experience this moment of pure bliss in their eyes. When you see someone’s face light up by seeing something for the first time, it’s truly a magical experience.”

Not only does the workshop cover online privacy, what you can and can’t share, how to download apps, use the calendar, set alarms, take notes, save contacts, research information, change the time, draw a picture, play music, play a video, and even download several bowling games.COR goes to RDACL

When we learn, it’s never about the one teacher who’s the be all and end all, it’s about all the peers sitting beside peers. It’s the conversations in between lessons, it’s students being students. People understanding how other people tick.

A good teacher isn’t the focal point of the classroom, a good teacher facilitates the conversation where people can learn from each other, where they can teach each other, and where they can find comfort in one another. Yes there’s a lot of learning going on, but the social benefits are arguably more beneficial in the long run.

We love the Being Awesome on an iPad workshops at RDACL!

Finding Value in My Day: May 7th, 2014

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Cara Milne- person centred planning

This practical workshop will begin by learning about the power of creating valued roles for children or adults with disabilities. Those attending will leave with a better understanding of how to improve the quality of someone’s day, based on building genuine relationships and roles, rather than only supporting them in activities.

This workshop will also examine ways in which people with disabilities can increase their involvement within their own homes and the surrounding neighborhoods. Cara will give some first steps in how to support people with disabilities to lead inclusive and value filled lives. 

Who is Cara Milne? Cara is the owner of M-Powered Planning Ltd, a Calgary business that promotes positive and valuable roles for people with disabilities. The variety of workshops and seminars encourage staff and families to see the strengths of their existing services, and simple strategies that create positive changes in the lives of children and adults with developmental disabilities. Cara’s positive and energetic approach supports both common sense and sustainable change.

Out-care the Competition: how to compete in a changing world

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The Gentle Teaching Symposium was held in Regina in April 2014. On the Thursday afternoon of the symposium, Jeph Maystruck from Regina’s Strategy Lab led the workshop “Out-care The Competition: how to compete in a changing world”.

Here are the slides from the workshop:

Read more

Gentle Teaching Symposium

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Gentle-Teaching-Symposium

Gentle Teaching Symposium
Date: Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Time: 7-9pm
Venue: Research & Innovation Centre, Lecture Theatre 119 (University of Regina)   

This community event, hosted by Dr. Jim Daschuk & UofR students enrolled in Health Studies 301, will bring together COR Supports, families and community stakeholders to hear stories of how Gentle Teaching philosophy and practice is influencing people’s lives across Canada.